Evil

“All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing.” - Edmund Burke

I'm pregnant

I would probably piss my pants too lol.

Clean up

In the process of cleaning up my neglected blog.

So much to write so little time, afew unfinished pieces in draft.

Gona do a recap of all the people i've got to know recently.

Lemme finish up my paperwork which is due tomorrow first.

Its gona be a nice long list or my observations.

Profile

I am a geek
I am fat
I am short
I am ugly
I have a great fear of boredom
I am rather direct
I am rather blunt
I get bored easily
I am curious by nature
I love music
I love dancing
I like making love
I enjoy cunnilingus
I experiment
I smoke
I've burnt myself thrice
I used to drink alcohol to excess
I've not tried drugs yet
I love kids
I am not a pedophile!
I like animals
I like dogs
I killed a cat when i was 8
I never liked cats anyway
I love reading books
I love knowledge
I like new experiences
I just don't talk much about them
I liked going to school
I just hated exams
I write alot when under distress
I like to watch things burn
I like playing with fire
I like to watch clouds
I've grown to like star gazing
I am impulsive
I am an extremist
I have a morbid sense of humor
I talk and laugh loudly in public
I tend to be lost in thought
I hate crowds
I am claustrophobic
I am reclusive
I enjoy long walks day or night
I lack social skills
I make fun of myself
I have low self worth
I seldom fight for myself
I tend to fight for others
I give in to my loved ones
I have few friends
I have mostly acquaintances
I smile at strangers
I don't know how to smile for photos
I dress for comfort
I dislike shallow people
I dislike materialism
I dont have a religion
I like to flash the finger
I have a problem with authority
I am becoming misogynic
I've always been misanthropic
I have OCD
I like violent images
I dislike excessive gore
I wana get a vasectomy
I wana get my tatoos done
I talk to myself
I am not entirely sane

The most important things in life are often immaterial.

You don't just stop loving someone, you just let the person go.

Even though i may never meet her, laugh with her, kiss her, hold her hand again, I will always love with her with all my heart.

We cant change our beliefs, just because its causes us grief.

Never judge a book by its cover.
Judge by looking at what they say, what they do after they've said, what they say after they've done, then look at their face and what they say and do; when you ask them about all that they have said and done.

Grow up

I went back to a forum i've not been to for a long time to see how things there.

Somethings just don't change i guess, aside from the fact that a friend had an ego trip inside and kicked up a big fuss.

As usual the drama between mangy and her dog never ceases. Realized they were supposed to hold an outing but eventually it was canceled. Talked to a friend about it when i saw her online. She updated me on some stuff that has been going on inside.

I know mangy has stalked my profile, how did i know? When i updated my friendster profile a few months back, the very next day: new views.. it was her. I admit i was damn disturbed by it. I went to see her facebook account to see and surprise surprise. She had joined several groups that i joined, i initially thought i was a coincidence and perhaps my episode with her was making me paranoid. I realized she joined a small group my friend created.

Awhile later, i guess it was plaguing my mind; i joined groups which professed love for the rain, which i do indeed love playing in. Ok, don't give me that look, I love the way the rain falls on me from above. I went to check on her profile again after awhile to verify my suspicions. Ok.. she joined the groups too. Its too much of a coincidence. Stupid stalker =_= Doesn't help here exchange with her childhood friend on her facebook wall pretty much mentioned that mangy was stalking someone's profile.

Jesus.. Its not enough that she fabricates lies to cover up for herself and her dog. Its not enough to be an attention whore and conveniently forget everything that transpired between me and her; to the point of denial that there was any real relationship between me and her. I was just with her because i wanted the sex. No offense but if i just want to get laid, I'd try on someone a lot more physically appealing.

She claims to have suffered memory loss due to some taoist rites she went thru and she can only remember her dog being there for her. Funny enough, when the drama on the forums happened before i left. She even denied being on the phone with me almost every night for that period of time, when i showed my itemized hp billing records to prove it; she replied me and said whats the point.

Yup, pretty much her claims of memory loss was just bullocks. My friend told me, that apparently mangy went around telling lies to people that her dog had told her his plans long ago and he was the good guy trying to save my friend from the guy she was seeing. Yup, mangy claims that he was hitting on my friend, to try to get my friend to leave the guy she was seeing.

My friend had to explain to other people, and damn she was quite insulted, suddenly that dog become my friend's would-be-savior and my friend was that pathetic one. My friend made a very simple point, that incident at glutton's bay when mangy went off crying and removed the couple ring from her hand. If mangy had already known what her dog had been doing, she won't be so upset and went off alone, when she read the msn log of her dog trying to hit on my friend, 2 days after she told me the two of them were together already.

Its bad enough that she constructs lies to cover her insecurities about herself and her life. I know more or less all of her issues, during our time together, I read almost all her blog posts. I know her past and all the unfortunate things that has happened to her; put simply she missed the short bus growing up. I went thru a lot for her, stood by her and was really traumatized by everything. I've done and said things i'm not very proud of. I accept that we were not suitable in the sense that i was not strong enough at that time to take care of her besides emotional support. I acknowledge my own faults and my own weakness in allowing her to manipulate me. Continued Dopamine pumping does lead to obsession, yes i do have OCD.

She needs the attention, it is like dope to her, something to reaffirm her self worth. The constant washing of her dirty linen and the disagreements with her dog publicly in the forum, pretty much is the attention whore in her showing. She cannot face reality of how her life turned out and i do feel sorry for her. She is brilliant, thats why i fell for her in the first place, a warm heart but a cold mind sums her up. Considering the circumstances of her growing up and what she has gone thru. I can understand, I've been thru too much myself while growing up; which is part of the reason for my emotional instability.

The difference is, i admit it. My trials and tribulations have built an extreme sense of empathy in me, which is why i always seem to be trying to help and give support to those who are emotionally unstable or going thru a rough patch. I don't like to hurt people because i know very well how it feels to be hurt, i know pain really well, too well. I don't wish to inflict it on anyone nor do i want to see pain being inflicted on others. I invariably meet too many energy suckers, even mangy was one. I do relate to people about my past experiences in a self depreciating way and hope that others do not make the same mistake and go thru what i've been thru. I accept blame for all I've been thru. I cannot change my past, I cannot change the world myself but if my relating of my own experiences to others; although painful can save someone from going thru the pain i went thru, i guess to me, its worth it.

Mangy's mind has built an alternate reality which she must live with her own lies that she weaves around her, and now it includes her dog. Whatever floats her boat but she damn bloody well leave my friend out of it. Stop telling people lies, so they think your dog is the good guy. My friend wasn't that pathetic that she needed your dog to "save" her. Leave other people out of your lies and kindly leave me outa the lies too.

My friend told me that mangy and her dog did have several disagreements which they publicly posted inside the forum. She has a flair for the melodramatic and he has to do cover up . I actually was curious about what was going on, friend gave me her blog link, from their blogs it seems that he is not able to meet up to her expectations about certain stuff.

I do hope things work out for them, and I admit I have my reasons. I don't want to see her creep back on me again. I have my life to work on, I no longer want to be involved with her life nor try to help her. I don't know in the far future if we can even be just friends. She'll need to first admit what she has done, which she never will.

Interesting enough when i read her dog's blog, he suddenly grow some tastcyles it seems. In his blog dated july last year, i'm the liar trying to sow discord between them. Oh apparently, i better not test his limit. If he needs to use lies to cover up why he spread malicious rumors about another guy, and yes he did it because he was trying to woo my friend even when he just got together with mangy two days ago. Bring it biatch, if you got the balls; you've not have given that fark face when i spat at you that day at glutton's bay. You know damn fucking well that it was our mutual friend that saved your ass. Cinderella boy, at 25 and have to be home by midnight, take off your "I love mum" and "I love dad" nappies, then we talk. Even mangy has complained that you act like a kid all the time, you're a big kid, its no wonder why you still have a curfew.

I stopped going to the forum because i don't want to expose all the shit both of you are capable of. The kids inside may put up with it and cannot see thru your mambo jambo. Those who were involved know the truth.

Hopefully this is the last chapter i need to add to this listing.

Mangy,
Get married, have kids, get over your past and grow up.
Part of growing up requires us to take responsibility for our own actions and take charge of our own life. Construing a false reality and trying to live up to other people's expectations is a fruitless endeavor. Stop using your past and the bad things that happened to you be an excuse to what you are doing now. I understand and relate to all you've gone thru.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. - Martin Luther King Jr.

You need someone who loves you and is devoted to you, but yet is detached enough to ignore your need for drama and not be affected by it, someone who can provide you with material needs, sufficient to have the lifestyle u wish to have. Your dog now can say a lot of sorries, he is detached enough but for how long we'll see. Whats the point of saying "sorry". when the person keeps doing it again. The nature of love, devotion and detachment is itself contradicting. It would have to be a love which is pretty much one sided and the other individual not caring as much. He needs to use empty promises and illusions to keep you happy.

Better to take your time and get to know each other better before getting married. Most friends of mine take a few years to really know someone and build trust. Then at least 2 years to save for marriage. If your relationship was that strong, you won't be in such a rush to get married. The most common mistake for married couples: Men marry women expecting that they will not change, women marry men expecting that they will change.

May your life be fulfilling. even though its not what you've planned out all those years ago.

Grow up

Scientifically speaking, love is not an emotion.

"Scientifically speaking, love is not an emotion.

This reaction we call love, is actually a chemical reaction. When you looked at someone you loved, your ventral tegmental and caudate nucleus in your brain lights up. These 2 areas control reward and pleasure.

In the caudate nucleus, a spread of receptors for Dopamine is activated. This creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention and motivation. That is the reason why when you are love, you seem to have unlimited energy, and you take risks that you don't realise.

However, this can't last long as continued Dopamine pumping leads to something else..Obsessive-Compulsive

Disorder. This is why some people can't let go even if the other party is no longer interested.

After the Dopamine period, you produced a hormone called Oxytocin. This promotes a feeling of connection or bonding, or what we term as Passion. When you hug your significant other, or your children, that warm fuzzy feeling is Oxytocin. Animals that mate for life depend on this too.

People with autism are suspected to be missing this hormone, and newer research has managed to alleviate certain autism by treating them with Oxytocin.

So after your initial "honeymoon period", love is actually replaced by passion, which will ultimately decide the survival of your relationship. But of course, it is good to inject a bit of love now and then to keep the relationship exciting."

--

above is something posted by a friend.

I guess it more or less expresses my thoughts on love i guess.

Love isn't enough, end of the day it requires 2 people to be committed to make things work.

i guess for most of us we are too used to the fairy tales which does not exist.

Love =/ = Happiness

Love only make us happy when u love and to be loved by someone.
Otherwise it is never fulfilling.

Love is when you see yourself as part of a person's happiness, and if the person's happiness does not include you the way you wish it to be.

We would naturally be disappointed and feel hurt.

Love is wanting the person to be happy, i guess thats how it is for me.
I have loved and i've been made to pay for it more than once.

The funny thing is, though i may never see her, never hold her hand, never see her smile and never get to kiss her again. I will always love her with all my heart.

You just don't stop loving someone but you can at least walk away to lessen the pain. It is invariably painful to be in such a situation but i don't change my beliefs just because it causes me grief.

I have done a fair bit of things in the past, that i am not proud of. What i have gone thru still haunts my sleep sometimes.

I do miss having someone to share my thoughts, to have a warm body beside me when i sleep and the warm fuzzy feeling i get when i see someone i love.

Love is like a really great light but the greater or stronger the light, the greater the shadow; it casts on us. Eventually we need to separate reality from the fairy tales, as we all grew up being fed by such stories. We can't just live in our own little world, your own private world is up where the sun don't shine, but then if you think about it with back door bandits and homosexuals being so common, the private li' orifice isn't as private anymore.

Life is not a fairy tale, in the end it is thru struggles in life which define and show who we really are inside. Often people will use their past or bad relationships to justify their behavior and hurt other people, they can go fark themselves up where the sun don't shine.

If you have been hurt before. you should know how it feels to be hurt and you would not do it to others. Treat others the way you wish to be treated, but i guess in this world; it takes all kinds of people. The problem is not human nature, the problem with with you.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. - Martin Luther King Jr.

Ask most people why they are with someone, most of the time the first thing they talk about: is the reason they are with the person. The sad truth is, the human race is becoming more and more superficial. And from all indications of what a lot of people hold dear in their checklist for a potential companion in life. The HUMAN RACE IS DOOMED!

Sure i share similar thoughts with a friend, that eventually we're all gona fcuk each other over but in the mean time; i'm not gona bend over and wait to take it like a man.

I was really fond of someone but eventually she chose someone else. It wasn't tat bad except the fact that she couldn't be honest about it. She told me: apparently

1. I just want to sleep with her.

I'm not exactly hot property but yeah if i just wana get laid, i'll be super superficial and go for someone who can be on the cover of a male magazine.

2. I'm too nice

That part is another bullshit, everyone wants to be treated well and with respect. It's been proven that the same things being said and done by two different people can evoke a different response from the recipient. So its not about me being too nice but i'm not the one she wants to be nice to her.

If she cannot be honest and can be so cruel to snub my affection for her, yet she still expects me to stick around. Apparently we're supposed to be friends, but i'm sorry what she said reminded me too much of amy. She is just being cruel and its just so easy for her to snub me with such words, she's shagging the other guy and i'm the bad guy.

Great! Does she expects me to still crawl along behind her? Life is too short, sure she might not be a bad person but i don't really care if a person is good or bad except whether they are good or bad to me. Everything in life is personal, if lightning struck my friend along the street, i would take it presonally. I am no longer the man i used to be and i will not take such an insult.

Interesting enough when i spoke about love and passion with a friend, interesting enough that female friend of mine told me.

Passion = Sex

I told her..

Passion =/= Sex
Lust=Sex.

Granted sex can be more than just lust but a joining of 2 minds and 2 bodies.
The love = sex, passion = sex part: are LIES spread by men!

But i guess tell a lie long enough and everyone will believe its the truth.
Ever wondered why theres a Victoria's secret fashion show but you don't see Adam's Secret Fashion Show right?

Love is when you just want to spend time with the person doing nothing, you smile when you see the person's face, you can laugh and giggle like idiots and you never find lack of things to talk about, you share ideas and your most intimate thoughts.

I hope one day, i can find that companion in life.
A beautiful mind, someone who takes my breath away.

Till then i shall strive to be the best i can be in my career and life.
Time and tide waits for no man, love isn't enough.

The worse case scenario: If the person never shows up,I can be an rich old bachelor and date girls young enough to be my daughter!

=PpP

ps:
Ever heard about the rumored barbie doll which was due to be released years ago?

Divorce Barbie, comes with all of Ken's things.

Love comes at a price (=

Strangely this song comes to mind lol.
Couldn't find the techno remix but yeah, it makes me wana break out in ah beng chants.
OEIx 6... aiyo aiyo mai yo......... ROFL