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Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present

Spanish Doll

This place feels so unfamiliar
And yet I know it well
I think I used to belong here
But the only way I can tell
Is that I miss you still
And I cannot find you here
You left me tattered and torn
Just like that Spanish doll

(Sweet spanish sweet spanish... doll)

I went down to the alley way
(Sierra la Bonita)
And found that you were gone
si nunca te fueras (if you never left)
You left no word no message
I still don't know exactly what went wrong
lagrima (tear)
But now no matter where I go
I always seem to return
buscame (look for me me)
To where you left me tattered and torn
estoy rompida mi muneca (I am broken my sweet doll)

Just like that sweet spanish doll

(Sweet spanish sweet spanish...doll)

A memory guilded in red and gold
de oro (of gold)
Beauty guarded and never sold
cuidame (protect me)
I keep it with me wherever I go
And I love you still
recuerdame (remember me)
No matter how a story will unfold
You know I always will
esta conmigo (it is with me)
Have part of you here
In this souvenir
This sweet spanish doll

A stranger in this world without you
Is all that I can ever be
All I know that's pure and clear
You left it with me here
In this souvenir
This sweet spanish doll


---

The feeling of lost, the pain, never talked about, never forgotten.

Pain is good, It reminds me that I am still alive.

Ordinary People by John Legend

"Ordinary People"

[Verse 1]

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

[Bridge]

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 2]

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

[Bridge]

I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

[Verse 3]

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

[Chorus]

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow


Interesting song, wonderful lyrics.

Special thanks to tara for introducing this song to me.

Only Happy When It Rains

Perfect song to express my current mood.

The rain never fails to cheer me up ^^;

Perfect weather to sleep and have some action... if you know what i mean..

Playing in the rain, will always be the most sinful pleasure of mine.

Ok.. maybe except for debauchery.. lalala.. i would like to plead the fifth ammendment.

I've got nothing against God. Its the Fan Clubs I can't stand!

Excerpts of a conversation I had with someone.

Amanda: “wassup wif the pic?!”

Me :“pray tell, wassup with the pic? wat about it bothers u?”

Amanda :“to my knowledge inverted crucifix is "anti-christ"...so does it apply to u?”

Me : “might i inquire where did u get the impression that its anti-christ? hollywood movies?

Amanda : “impression? hollywood movies? that'd be too realistic...
despite liking surrealism...i wear the crucifix...it's my religion n i believe in it greatly...
so y inverted crucifix?”

Me: ever heard of the cross of saint peter?

Amanda : “yes...and now i see you are coming from a "nicer" side...
so you share same sentiments as Saint Peter?”

Me : “theres no nice sides my dear.

the cross itself is a violent symbol, st peter requested to be crucified upside down as he felt unworthy to be crucified like jesus.

we all lead our own lives in our own little ways, theres no right or wrong.

Everyone's lives are bound by their own knowledge and awareness, thats called reality but knowledge is vague and perhaps better called illusions, everyone lives within their own subjective interpretations.

Amanda : “as you mentioned that everyone's lives are bound by their own knowledge and awareness, that's called reality...and soooo everyone lives within their own subjective interpretations...

there's no rights or wrongs...! snap back to reality where u are...surreal u can be in times of your own...
then now let me ask you...how do in your own freedom of mind do you define surreal?

i shall not carry on the conversation about the crucifix as my respect for it is soooo personal. :)”

Me : “its cool about the cross part, because faith is a personal thing =)

history remembers those who won, not those who lost.
those who lose may be remembered for awhile but eventually no one ever remembers.
no one cares who did what right or who did what wrong. They just care who benefited or who didn't, thats reality for you.

And even if you remember and if you discover something, what are you gona do about it? Surely is not doing something wrong? To sit back and let injustice go rampant?

There is no righteous man who does what is right but does not sin.

No offense but snapping back to reality? I understand you have faith but yet you talk about reality?'

Fact is faith and reality do not go hand in hand. Snap back to reality ;)”

-end of excerpts-

She hasn't replied me yet, doubt she ever will.
Above is a testament and example to the closed mindedness and hypocrisy of religious people. She would never full acknowledge of reconcile with the fact that her faith and the symbol had a very violent past. Claiming to have faith and yet lambasting me to snap back to reality, is like "your momma" jokes but it ain't funny at all.

This is precisely the reason why I am generally not too fond of self righteous pompous followers of faith. The sad fact is, how much do people actually know about their religion. So singing praises of the lord and going to their respective religious abodes every week is gona be the win-win ticket to life and after-life?

I was a Bhuddist while growing up, it was after all my parent's faith. As a child i did what any child would do, follow their bidding. As I slowly grew older and did some self exploration. I realized I didn't believe in most of the religious beliefs. Do I need religion to be a better person, does being religious; garauntee me 7 virgins in my after life or a one way ticket to the fluffy place up above, or does being a non-believer seal my fate and I will be destined to roast for eternity far south... Down south.. if you know what I mean.

Don't get me wrong, I still show my respects by offering incense to my ancestor's altar. But personally it is my belief, that if there is a higher power, who the fark we do think we are to be worthy of their attention? Assume much? I don't need imaginary friends to watch over me or to be on my side. If you do no wrong, why would you fear a knock on your door at night?

Save me the "My god is the real God and you're going to hell" bullocks. If you believe your God is the real true one God, and all others are false Gods worshipped by disbelievers. This is my challenge to your God: Strike down all those who are believers and summon them to the fluffy white place up above that awaits them in after-life.

*Pauses*
*Waits*
*Taps feet impatiently*

Hey, you're still alive and reading this, aren't you? Thats what I figured.

Everyone has a right to faith, different faiths are a result of a different perceptions. The majesty of the world, the unexplainable, the beauty and the horrors, are what lead human beings to seek out an entity to explain our existence. As long as the basic consensus of the faith is to do good for the people, there should not be any issues or arguments.

Religion or faith in general, has done alot of good for mankind, the purpose was the provide an explaination for the unexplainable and to bring people together. Faith has helped people lead better lives, find new meaning, find peace and self worth, it was never meant to be a tool. Thru time it is the power hungry people who twist religions to their own ends, holding someone's faith is power, adding rules, discriminating against non-believers, misinterpreting and twisting the meaning of the religous doctrines to suit their own selfish reasons. Fact is the higher the membership and more well heeled the membership, the richer and more powerful the congregation becomes. The bigger, the larger, the more expensive religious abodes are not a testament to anything but man's pride.

Nothing in history has ever inspired people to do greater evil and commit more heinous crimes to their fellow men, than when they are doing so; all in the name of God.

It is my belief that faith never meant to teach us to discriminate or view others as less worthy, just because they follow a different interpretation of God. It is merely a product of man's pride and greed for power. Find me something to disapprove of other religious faith's perception of God, which can't be used right back at your own. But the question here is: Did your God ask you to discriminate or was it man's own selfish whims and pride that has corrupted the true meaning of faith.

I've got nothing against God. Its the Fan Clubs I can't stand!

Wonder

Sometimes i wonder, where do i go from here
I walk in the dark, as the rain strikes me from above
I look up at the moon lit skies, watching the clouds and the stars pass by
Are they smiling at me, or do they mock me
Purposefully i lift my hands, feeling strangely amused
"Fuck you" i swore, as I flip them the bird
I burst out laughing, and made my merry way home

Its one of those days

You know rat does have a point there. It rained pretty much most of the morning till late afternoon, though the rain took a hiatus in the evening.

Cool and refreshing day, nice to stay home, snuggle in bed and sleep. Went for a haircut in the afternoon at around 2, and had an unconventional shower. Yes, i walked in the rain again, one round around the park nearby, the rain never fails to refresh me and calm me down. Its a guilty pleasure as always, but hey it did wash off all the bits and pieces of hair left on me after the haircut.

Its one of those days, where i don't wana get out of bed

Female Jedi Mind Trick

How to get your male companion to listen to you.....

Of wounds and scars

The defects and faults in the mind are like wounds in the body. After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind. - French writer François de La Rochefoucauld

Who will guard the guards?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? - Roman Poet, Juvenal

Blogging

hang on.. theres a fly on my keyboard.. let me go kill it......

Tortured Torturers

"The healthy man does not torture others. Generally, it is the tortured who turn into torturers.” Carl Jung

Damnant Quod Non Intelligunt

Been getting to know more people lately, it seems those who read my blog, invariably put forth to me this question. If I do not trust women, then why do I still bother to socialize with them.
Consider this, how many of us actually enjoy our work? Most of us who work, do it for a living, except for those those lucky enough to be financially secure in the good old fashion way, inheritance. Trust is earned and lost by merit and demerit, not given and taken for granted.

Ever wondered why when you like someone, you enjoy spending so much time with them but yet when you are in love, you spend so much time crying? Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, yet trusting them not to. I gambled enough in the past and I have no more wish to play dice with my heart.

I still like women, I wont be turning gay anytime soon. I just stay away from the WOEmen. Despite the ever present short-comings of women, they do smell better definitely, and i personally prefer skirts, its feminine and if you must know; allows easy access, if you know what i mean. I'm avoiding the one way streets and the three way corners, the needy, the self important, in self denial, illusions of grandeur, those dying to get married before they expire.

There has been other individuals who have asked me why my blog is so depressive, the images within and the thoughts i leave, it sometimes borders close to insanity, heck they're not read my Carver entry yet, that would sure leave them a bad dream. My blog is a form of self expression and to release the myriad of emotions i feel. My sense of self awareness and being very susceptible to stimuli since I was young, has gifted me a very weird hodge podge of feelings and emotions inside me.

I blog as a form of release, for the lack of a simpler way to describe it pretty much like taking a piss. Welcome to my cesspool, feel free to take back samples. I heard its good for the skin, pretty much like the protein from the same tap, go ahead use it on your face. I'm kidding! Thats a bit too much, even for me.

Someone ask me recently: if women are so full of shit to you. Why do you still bother?
I replied: To give them a chance to miss me *grin*

You may think what i think and feel is wrong but have do they know what I've been thru? You would like to know, won't you? Its here somewhere inside, but you will never get me to talk about it to anyone again. Let the dead lie, while I jig on its grave.

Everyone's lives are bound by their own knowledge and awareness, thats called reality but knowledge is vague and perhaps better called illusions, everyone lives within their own subjective interpretations.

Damnant Quod Non Intelligunt -They condemn what they do not understand.